Playing by the Rules

Quality over quantity.

2011-05-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met one of those girls who seems to have dated so many people? I have! They talk of all their dating experiences as if they went on dates daily. Every time I listen to these girls I feel so inadequate. Why is this girl going on dates every single night, when I cant get a single date the whole semester?! I have finally figured out how these girls accomplish this! Are you ready? Ok, I will tell you! These girls are those flirtatious girls that flirt with anybody and everybody. They get so many dates, because they aren't selective about who it is they want to date. They are getting asked on dates by those boys that lots of girls overlook, or wouldn't give the time of day to. They aren't really rules girls, they give lots of boys, lots of attention. This is not a bad thing. If you want to spend your time on tons of dates, now you know the secret. In my case, I don't really care to go on boring date after date, with guys that I'm not too interested in. I would rather play be the rules, and go on one awesome date with that rockin' boy, than 50 dates with guys that I am not interested in. But hey! Thats just me. :)

"When it feels right, it's right."

2011-05-15T15:36:00.000-07:00

Ansel Adams may have been talking photography when he said this, but his words of wisdom ring true to dating as well. We know this blog focuses a lot on "The Rules," they really are good guidelines to keep in mind while dating. I have gone through many different phases in regards to my dedication to "The Rules." Sometimes I will follow the rules strictly, and not budge an inch. Other times I will throw the rules out the window, and do as I please. When it all comes down to it, "The Rules" are fantastic! They really help you to realize your bad dating habits, and help you to improve. But, they are not the end all when it comes to dating. You CAN break the rules. Now, this doesn't mean you should start calling the boy down the street 50 times a day. "When it feels right, it's right." When it feels right to break the rules, go ahead and break them. If following the rules is going to keep you out of a wonderful relationship because you are always turning down Saturday dates after Wednesday, then maybe it's time to rethink. It's still ok to accept a Saturday date on a Thursday. :)

"When it feels right, it's right." I quote this hoping that by reading the rules you have gained a better awareness as to how you should conduct your dating life. If it "feels right" to pop by some boys house 3 times a day, or call his mom and ask for baby photos of him before your first date, then I am very concerned about your judgement of dating "right" and wrong.

I just want to convey to you how unique YOU are. How YOUR situation is different than anyone else's. No book can dictate to you 100% of how you should run your dating life. You make those decisions for your life. I guess the real rule is, "When it feels right, it's right."

YOU ROCK!

2011-05-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

dating rules from an 8 year old

2011-05-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

My little sister just turned 8, and taught me these 10 key rules to dating. :) She is a smart one!

Lost in love

2011-03-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

Hello! It has been WAY too long since our last post! We wanted to share with you this Dear Janie we received a few months ago. We thought that it would be applicable to many readers. I know that I can totally relate to what this girl is going through!

Dear Jaine,

I was with a guy over the summer who didn't treat me right. He lead me on then broke my heart. My self worth plummeted. I was depressed for several months and I'm still having a hard time getting over him. I should hate him and not want anything to do with him, but I find myself day dreaming about him and wishing I was back with him. I need help! How can I get over him? Also, how can I ever trust anyone again if all I've ever known is deceit and heartbreak? I don't want anything to do with dating, but I've been told the best way to get over someone is to find someone new. What do you think? Any advice?

Sincerely,

Lost in Love

Dear Lost,

One of my favorite mantra's is, "If not him, then someone better." Obviously, this boy didn't appreciate you for the "creature unlike any other" that you are. You deserve to be loved by a boy who knows how to treat you right. So be positive knowing that there IS someone better! There really IS! Don't mistake loneliness for missing him. How can you miss someone who made you feel awful?!

The solution to repairing your self-worth lies in focusing on making yourself the best you can be. Sure, we as girls feel like we need a man to complete us, but how can we expect an amazing Prince Charming if we're not the Cinderella to match him? Develop your talents. Serve others! Find areas where you need/want to improve and use the time you have being a single woman to better yourself. Think of the kind of guy you want to end up with and then think of the kind of girl that would compliment him. That should help you figure out where you want to improve.

As for trusting future relationships, this is where the positive can actually come from bad relationships. You now have a list of red flags that you can see in hindsight! You know what to look for in future guys. Also, don't discredit a potential relationship based on past let-downs. There really ARE fantastic guys out there! But you're not going to find them sitting at home daydreaming about a guy that's moved on. It's time for you to do yourself a favor and do the same! Once again, you deserve SO much better!

You may have a distaste for dating now, but take it one step at a time. The cure is not in a rebound. You need time to heal and prepare yourself for a new relationship. Focus on yourself for awhile, pamper yourself, work on your talents and find joy in helping others. Then, when you feel ready, brush up on the Rules (I suggest the chapter: Show Up Even If You Don't Feel Like It), find a fun social activity, gussy up, and work your Rules girl magic!

You are wonderful! I know this is hard, but you can do it! The Rules work, I promise.

Thanks for sending me an email and following the blog.

Love,

Janie

Love according to a 4-year-old...

2011-01-27T23:21:00.000-08:00

(found via papertissue)

We found this article at this site and it's probably the cutest, most profound thing ever. We love it! :)

What does love mean to a four-year-old?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?”

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca- age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily – age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” Nikka – age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” Cindy – age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” Clare – age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine-age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann – age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 6

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” Karen – age 7

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” Mark – age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica – age 8

And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

BY ROWLAND CROUCHER AND OTHERS ⋅ FEBRUARY 25, 2008

Holiday Romance

2010-12-28T19:39:00.000-08:00

(source)

Have you ever wanted to be in love during the holiday season? Of course you have! Who hasn't? It is the most romantic time of the year!! Holiday love is the very best kind. There is mistletoe, and New Years kisses... hot chocolate, blazing fireplaces, and snuggly flannel Christmas pajamas. During this time of year, as a single girl, you may need a rules game plan. Without it you may find yourself feeling lonely and pathetic after sleeping in day after day, eating too much sugar, and neglecting the treadmill. It's the holiday season! Be motivated! Go out and do fun things with the people you love! Be busy. You are a creature unlike any other! Be social. It's that time of year where you get to enjoy hanging out with loved ones, and take a break from all the craziness that comes from school, work, and life in general.

Go find yourself a fun New Years party, grab your wing-man, put on those cute new clothes you got for Christmas, and have fun!

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy New Years!

Dating advice from our favorite 9-year-old...

2010-12-14T21:30:00.000-08:00

"A gentleman's top 10 list of girls to date"

2010-11-30T21:00:00.001-08:00

(found via papertissue)

First of all, we apologize for our extended hiatus. We feel bad. :(

But, here's the first installment in a top 10 list submitted by one of our male friends. The following are his suggestions for getting on a boy's list of girls to date. Enjoy! :)

"Don't plan something that will give him the excuse not to ask you out. How can a guy ask you on a date if you plan a party every weekend? Give him a chance to take some initiative and stop relying on you to supply his social needs.
Be somebody. Yourself. Not a superficial Barbie doll. Quit worrying about if your hair is straight or if you have enough mascara on, and show your self confidence. I can't think of anything more attractive than a girl who doesn't need a constant supply of empty compliments to keep her going. At the same time, know when to graciously accept a genuine compliment that was given smoothly and at the right time, and required no fishing on your part.
Learn to carry on an intelligent conversation. Some of my favorite parts of a great date are the awesome conversations I have. When I can easily have a conversation with a girl, it makes the date run so much smoother. And by the time it's time to say goodnight, I am still full of questions and topics that I still want to discuss. That's when I can't wait to take the girl out again.

Those are all the tips I have for you this time, but I will continue my comprehensive first-hand research and return next time with more tips on "How to get on a gentleman's top 10 list of girls to date." Thank you, come again!

Yours truly,

A gentleman who knows :)"

Striking a balance...

2010-10-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

(source)

Recently, we received some great male feedback on our "Break the cycle!" post. We wanted to re-post this comment because we feel that all girls need to hear the boy's point of view. It's a good reminder to play the Rules with the right amount of balance! Not too much, not too little. :)

"I write this comment being a male with a strong opinion, for-and against the rules... Let me explain. The basic idea of "Playing by the Rules" is so that girls don't come off looking like over-eager and easy. I love this! I'll never look for a girl that comes of as an easy girl and I'd never want a girl that is over-eager because that means there is something wrong with her. So, up to this point these rules are great, they keep good girls with good guys. Yet, there are some girls who have decided that if they go the extra mile with the rules, they will earn an even better guy... If this is you, stop it right now, because you will never get those cookies! The main reason I'd like to get to is this... If a girl can't smile, wave or wink at a guy that she'd like...just LIKE to get asked out by, then she'll never get asked out. Men will ask a girl to go on a date if and only if he thinks that #1-She has noticed him, #2- That she'll say yes. So, because I'm not looking for the over-eager, easy women of this world, all I'd ask is that girls play by the rules- but to never go overboard with it. Just give guys a hint of a notice... hold eye contact a little longer, give a meaningful smile, and get out of the house and get noticed! By doing this you will get your cookies, in fact you'll get so many that you will have to start reading the weight watchers blog. ;)"

There you have it, ladies! Straight from the horse's mouth. :)

Thanks, Barosan!

sparks.

2010-10-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

(source)

Thank you to everyone who helped spread the word about our last post! You guys are AWESOME!

Lately my friends and I have spent a lot of time discussing the topic that will be addressed below. We need your opinion though, so please leave some helpful comments! :)

When it comes to being in relationship do you need to feel a spark before jumping in, or do you need to begin a relationship based on a history of friendship? FriendA. doesn't feel right about getting into a relationship without there being that spark, that burning passion in the soul. But, for her it also needs to accompany a great deal of thought. She needs to know that this guy will be worth her time. She keeps both reason and passion in check.

Friend B. gets into relationships after a solid friendship has been built. She feels that if she has that spark for someone, it is based solely on physical attraction. And, a relationship based on physical attraction can't really lead to anything of substance. Her relationships are meaningful, and always end well. She is great at letting things develop naturally.

Friend C. is in a relationship, but is not convinced that she really likes this guy. Somedays she really likes him. Other days he seems to be just a friend. She is constantly grappling over whether she should tell him she doesn't want to date him anymore, or stick it out and wait to fall in love with him. She is hoping that from this friendship their love will grow.

So fellow rules girls. (and boys that read this blog) What do you think? Do you want that "spark," or are friendships the way to go for you? I feel that this is different for every person, so let me know what you think!

break the cycle!

2010-09-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

Wanna know something tragic? Boys aren’t asking girls on dates anymore! Why is this?

I have been thinking a lot about this lately, and I attribute it to two things. One of which is a by-product of the other. First- girls are being aggressive, and secondly boys are being lazy. It's as if our roles have been reversed. Instead of girls waiting for boys to make the first move, they go ahead and do it themselves. (Don’t get me wrong, I'm all about women's equality to men, but there is an unwritten order to dating. Boys initiate. Simple.as.that.) Because boys are constantly being approached, they are slowly developing an attitude of laziness. Or, their thoughts follow along the lines of- well, if the girl likes me, she’ll come to me. This is then positively affirming girls' actions as agressors, and it becomes a vicious cycle! BLAH!!!

So, I have decided upon an appropriate POA (plan of action) to break the cycle!

(You can even print out these steps... I know you want to!)

Here are 10 useful steps for both boys and girls to help maximize dating awesomeness... but, wait! There is more! (say that in an infomercial voice) There is actually one more step. This step pre-ceeds all of the steps.

Step 0: share a link to this post somewhere... anywhere. why? Boys need to know that girls want to be asked out on dates, and girls need to know that by being less aggressive, they are encouraging boys to ask them out! Why wouldn't you want to be asked out?

We can't break this cycle alone. If only a handful of boys/girls do it, then they cycle will continue. yuck. We made it easy for you to share this post... just click on the facebook link below, and voila! Expect cookies soon!

You, Us, Them

2010-09-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

(found via papertissue)

While cleaning my room this summer, I came across a card my sister gave me for graduation. She always seems to have the best dating advice and she had somehow managed to squeeze some into this card. Although she gave this to me as a young girl going out and starting her college career, I think it can be perfectly applicable to a beautiful, single girl of any age or circumstance.

This advice had been given to my sister at graduation by one of her favorite high school teachers. This is (roughly) what he told her:

"This time is all about YOU. Use it wisely! Enjoy the time you have to discover the world, make yourself a better person, and learn all you can, because after this, it'll be about US. And after that, it'll be all about THEM. Appreciate the time you have to just be YOU, single and free to explore, discover, and improve."

I had picked the perfect time to clean my room because I needed that advice so badly at that moment and am still reminding myself of it daily. (Sometimes I think I write these posts more for myself than for anyone else.) :)

But really, think about it- when else in your life will you get to run on your own agenda? Spend a year working/studying abroad? Focusing on your own education? Perfecting your own career? Discovering who you are and what your strengths/weaknesses are? Improving your talents? To put it frankly, when else will you be able to be selfish?!

I know I get down about a lack of events in my boy/social life, but when I shift my mindset and remember this advice, it makes it so much better. In fact, it makes me feel like maybe I don't have enough time to become the person I want to be before I tie the knot!

The more time you have as a single person, the more time you have to improve and become an absolutely breathtaking, brilliant, and accomplished individual. And you know what? Your better-half is most likely doing the same.

And who doesn't want an even better better-half? :)

Quality over quantity...

2010-08-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

(found via papertissue)

Have you ever had a family member or friend make fun of you for doing the Rules and then point out that the Rules haven't really worked because you don't have a boyfriend?

Well, here's the deal. The Rules are about quality over quantity. For every silly relationship your friend is in, that's one less heartbreak that you don't have to deal with. The Rules are not about finding a million spring flings or summer romances that fade within months. The Rules are about finding "the one" relationship that will last you your whole life through. And when it's all over, you'll be glad you didn't waste your time on 20 different guys who broke your heart. You will be whole and completely happy in love with the only guy worth your time.

Wisdom from a chocolate wrapper...

2010-08-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

"Love on a two-way street comes naturally."
-Larice, Leavittown, NY

Chocolate is wonderful. Chocolate with advice is even better. :)

Rules girls don't build up false relationships in their mind, ie, "Oh my gosh, he looked at me! That means he's in love with me and will probably call and ask me out tonight." This, my dear Rules girls, is love on a one-way street. You're making yourself believe in something that does not exist. Don't waste time creating desperate illusions. Instead, spend it on improving yourself!

If you're living your life and working on making yourself an exciting, brilliant, and attractive girl, the right boy will come along. He'll be interested in you because you are "a creature unlike any other." And when he's interested, trust us, he'll let you know. You won't have to make things up in your mind!

It'll all come naturally. :)

The William Hung of Dating.

2010-07-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

Remember William Hung from American Idol? He is quite a terrible singer, but like so many others that auditioned for the show, he was told by his friends that he was a talented singer. Sometimes I wonder if I myself and being a William Hung. Maybe I am the William Hung of dancing, running, baking, quilting... you name it. I may think I am good at it, my friends may tell me I am good at it. But, when it comes right down to it I am TERRIBLE! I have been disillusioned.

I feel that this may be true for dating as well. Am I the William Hung of dating? I go on dates. I feel as though I act classily, and my friends tell me I am a great dater. What if this is all lies? I could be the most terrible dater in the world, and no one is telling me! Maybe with a little more practice I could become the American Idol of dating!

We are working on writing a dating etiquette no-brainers post... let us know what you think are some good dating etiquette no-brainers! Example- don't talk on the phone during your date. No-brainer!

Guess what?

2010-07-21T15:25:00.000-07:00

(papertissue)

Wanna know some ground-breaking truth?

The Rules will not make a boy like you.

"What?!" you might exclaim, "Then what in the world are they supposed to do?"

Here's the thing: The Rules are about weeding out the boys that aren't worth your time. Boys that like you before you play the Rules are not the kind of boys that you want to date. Those are the lazy, flaky boys that don't like to work for anything. On the other hand, if a boy didn't like you before you became a Rules girl, there's no guarantee that he'll come running once you start dancing to a new tune. Yes, it does happen because the Rules make you more enticing and interesting. But what the Rules really do is make you the best version of yourself that will attract only the cream of the crop.

These prime boys may have been turned off by your forward behavior before your transformation to a Rules girl. And they very well may change their attitude once you change yours.

But don't count on it.

If a boy that you were previously interested in becomes interested in you once you become a Rules girl, then hooray! But don't let it get you down if it doesn't happen. If a guy isn't interested in you when you're at your best, then he's fool and not the one for you. Focus instead on busying yourself with your life! You are an interesting, talented, beautiful girl who doesn't have a moment to spare wondering who likes you now that you're a Rules girl.

After all, the Rules are about being the right person, not waiting around for the right person to show up.

Guest post by ALI!!

2010-07-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

A big THANK YOU to Ali for the awesome guest post!!

Recent events have led to my constant pondering of the subject of boys. I have wanted to do a guest post for some time now, but never could narrow it down to one concise thought. So, after much trial and error, here it is. Short, sweet, but hopefully to the point :)

THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL

It is so easy to get discouraged when it comes to dating. Too often we think that there is something wrong with ourselves, that we are not good enough. Let me remind you of the first and most important rule of all, WE ARE CREATURES UNLIKE ANY OTHER. This means:

1. You are beautiful, talented, and extraordinary. No other woman in the world has the gifts you have to offer.

2. Not every Joe that comes around can match you’refantasticness, so don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work out. The perfect guy is out there, you just haven’t met him yet.

3. Do not ever think that a boy/man is out of your league.If anything, YOU are out of HIS league : )

These are truths, believe them with all your heart. If doubt happens to cross your mind, try listening to “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera or “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Buble :) Don’t get discouraged. Any boy/man that makes you feel unimportant or unworthy is not worth your time. He’s wrong, you absolutely are a creature unlike any other, and it will be his loss.

Thanks again Ali! For those of you wanting to hear more from Ali, visit her blog HERE!! And, don't forget to leave her some love in the comments! :)

Will you date my son?

2010-07-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

(source)

Have you ever been in one of those social gatherings where you are around older women and one asks, 'will you please date my son?' I have been asked this quite a number of times. When it happens, I always mention that if her son were to ask me out, I would be delighted. Mothers love me. I am a good girl. Although mothers love me, this doesn't always translate over to their sons. Why does this happen? Maybe it is because the mothers of these boy types realize they need a good girl. Maybe it is because boys don't like to date girls that their mothers approve of. Maybe I am a crazy person. I am guessing I am a crazy person. ;)

What would/do you do when a mother asks this of you?

And the winner is...

2010-06-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry we forgot to announce on Saturday!

Without further ado, our randomly-selected winner is:

Congratulations, Jessica! Please email us at girlsplaytherules@gmail.com with your shipping information. :)

GIVEAWAY!!!

2010-06-18T22:13:00.000-07:00

I have a HUGE love for the rules! I always manage to tell all my female friends about the rules, and they love it too! I love spreading the word about the rules to all my female friends... it just helps dating all around! So... for this we are hoping to enlist your help!! Let your girl friends know about the rules! They will be SO HAPPY you did!

To help spread the word we have decided to do our first GIVEAWAY!! I know it might seem pre-mature... but guess what? it's not... IT'S AWESOME! We are giving away a copy of "All the Rules"... thats right! Not "The Rules" not "The Rules 2" not "The Rules of Online Dating" but, "ALL THE RULES!" It is new, shiny, and beautiful! :)

Ok... so here is how it goes!

1. If you are already a follower of this blog, comment below.

2. If you are not a follower, click on the 'follow' button, and leave a comment below!

3. Post about our giveaway on your facebook status (an link to us) and then comment below!

4. Post about our giveaway on your twitter status (an link to us) and then comment below!

5. Blog about us (with a link in the post of course), and leave a link to your post below so we can share it with others!

6. If you have a blog, put us on your blogroll (that thingy on the sidebar with your favorite blogs) and then comment below!

If you do all of these things you can enter multiple times... better chances of winning! If you already own a copy of The Rules don't worry! Still enter! I think I have 3 copies. One for my purse, one for my bedside table, and one to loan to friends. If you don't want to enter, thats ok! Tell your friends about us, and we will love you FOREVER! :)

We will be randomly selecting our winner on Saturday June 26th! :)

with TONS of love,

Trisha

bleeding hearts...

2010-06-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

(source)

When it comes to be spring time, I love bleeding heart flowers!

Some girls get a little confused with the rules. They believe that by following the rules they will win the attention of that one guy they have had their eye on... this is not the case. The rules don't attract men to you that don't like you. They eliminate the ones that don't like you, and leave you with all the ones that do. Those ones that have initiative enough to pursue you! I feel that with this aspect of the rules, I have been saved from many bleeding hearts.

In high school I had no concept of the rules, and I would often get my hopes up about certain boys. I would text them, invite them over, and talk to them first. I thought they liked me. They were so nice, and we hung out tons! What I didn't realize is that they were just being kind. We hung out tons, cause I asked them to hang out tons. I was misleading myself. Because of this I suffered many bleeding hearts.

Since I have learned to play by the rules I never get into situations where my hopes are sky high for a guy that doesn't like me. I feel like the rules offer protection for my heart. My heart bleeds less often.

Although I was mislead in high school, I wonder if sometimes I am misleading myself now. I am not doubting the rules AT ALL!!! I just wonder whether I protect my heart SO much (more than a normal rules girl) that I am not as readily open to relationships as I was in the past.

So... my dear blog friends... what do you think? Is it better to put your heart on the line? Let it bleed? Or is it better to protect your heart so much that there is never a chance of it getting hurt? This is a hard one for me, let me know your thoughts!! You are always SO GOOD with advice!

with love,

Trisha

Gentlemen still exist.

2010-06-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

[papertissue]

When I first met my brother-in-law, he melted my heart. I knew almost instantly that he was a genuine to-the-core gentleman.

Sometimes I get a little discouraged that it's possible for me to find a similar gentleman. It just seems like that caliber of guy is getting more and more scarce. But the other day, I was reminded again that there's still hope.

I got to watch a friend interact with her fiancé and it was so refreshing. He was so good to her and he was another one of those genuine gentlemen. You could tell they were so comfortable with each other: they were best friends. It wasn't a giddy or superficial relationship.

It was real.

And it was so encouraging for me.

They're still out there. :)

xoxo,

Elephant in the room

2010-06-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

(Banksy's "Elephant in the Room")

Does anyone ever feel like it's hard to get to know a guy due to a large elephant in the room named Marriage?

I feel like it's this huge cloud looming over everyone's head that makes it hard to truly get to know a person because we all flash forward to the future and try to decide whether the other person will make a good spouse. If we decide 'no' in that quick judgement, we mentally write them off as an option and forget trying to get acquainted with them. We decide that if they're not 'the one', then they're a waste of time. What a sad phenomenon.

I wonder if it's a culture thing. If so, I wish I could break out of it. It's like marriage is emphasized so much that people can't break out of the looming cloud long enough to focus on getting to know someone here and now in the present. Maybe they're not your future spouse, but they're still a person who deserves to be treated well. A few extra friends never killed anyone. :)

Just a thought.

What other "elephants" make it hard to get acquainted?

Is flirting honest?

2010-06-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

(papertissue)

My friend joked the other day about how she was terrible at flirting. I got thinking about it and I wondered if the reason why is because she's so honest.

Is it hard to flirt when you're an honest person?

I sometimes feel like I'm not really being myself when I'm flirting with a boy. It's like I'm putting on this act that's actually quite exhausting. I'd rather just be able to have a straightforward conversation where I'm able to exhibit my true self.

I guess flirting can be fun. Maybe I just haven't mastered the art yet. And I guess it serves a purpose for attracting a guy's attention.

What are your thoughts on flirting?

Burst your own bubble

2010-05-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

(photo ©Emily)

I realized the other night that I have a problem.

And I think many girls share it with me.

See, I was sitting there writing in my journal and I kept getting sidetracked with my own little daydreams about my future. Imagine a large thought bubble over my head full of my hopes and dreams. I had my spouse picked out, my wedding dress designed, I had our children all named and our house built. I had come to the conclusion that my first name sounds absolutely perfect with his last.

Then I remembered that this is a boy I merely have a crush on. Have not yet dated. Am not engaged to.

I believe this is a case of what Miki once called Oneitis.

C'mon, show of hands. You know you're all guilty. :)

Now, I'm not saying that it's bad to have little hopes and dreams for what might happen. But that's just the thing: it only might happen.

And then what's the result when it doesn't? What happens when the boy finally ends up popping that little thought bubble for you? Heartache.

I realized then that I needed to burst my own bubble. Before someone or something else did.

I also realized that I need to follow some great advice once given to me by my sister that I had up to that point forgotten. (But which is still saved in the form of a text on my phone.) :)

"Just assume you're awesome friends until he tells you otherwise. Then, when he does, it's a great surprise!"

And so, I'd like to pass it on to you. Don't build up a ridiculous thought bubble full of expectations that will only bring disappointment when they're not fulfilled. There are a few unhappy endings that have to happen before you get your happy one. If you have a thought bubble planned for every guy you have a crush on, you're only going to get hurt multiple times.

Don't wait for him to burst your bubble. Save yourself the heartache and do it yourself.

Just pretend you're friends.

Then be pleasantly surprised. :)

Stay classy,

xoxo

toxic boys...

2010-05-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

(photo via papertissue)

There are some boys we love... some boys we love that aren't good at loving us back. These are toxic boys. If a boy says mean things to you to keep you down... DROP HIM. Rules girls do not put up with boys treating them like crap. If he makes you think you aren't worth much, he is WRONG. You are "a creature unlike any other." (that is rule #1) You are amazing. If he doesn't think so, he MOST DEFINITELY does not deserve you. You are a wonderful, strong, amazing girl. Period. :)

Better late than never...

2010-05-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

(papertissue)

I stumbled upon this great advice today and as I was reading it, I couldn't help thinking how many of these tips were directly correlated to being a Rules girl! So, don't wait 10 more years to discover that the Rules are the only way to go! :)

When to Forgive and Forget {Guest Post!}

2010-05-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

(photo found via papertissue)

A little slip-up at any point in a relationship can be near fatal. They were half an hour late; they forgot your anniversary; they forgot to compliment you on your new haircut… These petty blunders can escalate to a ludicrous height, sometimes to the point where your very relationship is in jeopardy. Any mistake should certainly not be ignored, but it might be time for some couples to know when to forgive and forget. Holding any sort of grudge can be very damaging to a relationship, especially if it’s relatively early on. You might want to ask yourself the following questions before taking any potentially damaging action in response…

Do you know all the facts?

Talk to them about the situation and listen to what they’ve got to say. If you’ve met recently, through online dating for example, you might not feel like you fully know their character yet. This could mean you take what could easily be a misunderstanding as proof of an unsavoury individual. Emails and texts can often be misinterpreted; even phone calls can cause misunderstandings. So you need to sit down with them, hear what they have to say about it and fully understand the facts before you can judge.

Are you being hypocritical?

Your partner has made a mistake, yes. But wasn’t it just the other week that you were late for them? That you forgot to pick that something up for them? Think back now. It’s easy to get caught up by anger and forget that you’ve made similar mistakes yourself. Be careful not to be oversensitive and remember all of the times when they’ve forgiven you in the past.

How did they apologise?

You can tell a lot by how someone reacts to the knowledge that they’ve done something wrong. If they wait for a few days, perhaps a week goes by, and then you have to bring up the topic yourself, you would be right to doubt this apology. Blaming circumstances, such as work, feeling ill or being stressed is another sign that they are not fully accepting responsibility for their mistake. However, if they take the earliest opportunity, take your hand and fully admit that they were wrong and they are extremely sorry, then this is probably an apology you can trust and forgive.

Are they making an effort to prove they can change?

Monitoring how your partner behaves after the incident is also important. Are they trying to make amends by making more of an effort than usual? Is there a bouquet of roses on your doorstep each morning? These are key signs they know that they’ve blundered and will do anything to gain your forgiveness. If there is something they can do specifically then tell them. Also, is your partner making efforts to change? If they’ve shown you a new system they are trying out to stay on time or remember things, whether it’s a new iPhone application or a more antiquated Filofax, this is a sure sign that they are putting in the effort to get your relationship back on track.

New Yok dating, Barcelona dating, Bristol dating: wherever you are, don’t lose your love over a basic mistake. Stop, look, listen and you may soon be crossing the road of forgiveness towards a happier relationship.

{Thank you for the AWESOME guest post from eHarmony UK!!}

sound advice...

2010-05-04T11:59:00.000-07:00

photo via papertissue

I have this fantastic friend who is so amazing at being a rules girl! She is the best example of a rules girl that I can think of! We often discuss the rules, boys, and dating. A few weeks ago we were messaging each other about parents views on dating and the rules. One of the messages she sent me was genius, you can read it below! I hope it is okay that I post this, cause she doesn't know I am doing it! If you like it... leave her some love in the comments... and maybe we could convince her to do a whole guest post!!! :)

here you go:

It is also hard to explain the rules to parents. They didn't have the same problems we now face in this digital age where everyone knows your business ALL THE TIME. Also, dating etiquette was not so confused. Like, hmm maybe the boy should call and take the girl on a date. How odd. Not. But, for some reason it is odd. And, boys are odd these days and sometimes I think all is lost in this world and we will be parenting next to gender confused child-rearing adults at the local playground where little Suzie and Jimmy go to play. SO, at the end of this ranting, I say- so what, we want to make sure we have a loving, doting, devoted husband and this is the only way we feel we can secure a marriage that will carry us through the centuries and all the terrible and wonderful things that come along with marriage. We make a sacrifice to win in the end. I feel dramatic writing this, like I am writing as if the world were to end. But, I am serious, tragically so.

Thank you friend. you always give fabulous advice! :)

xoxo,

Trisha and friend

Guest post by Janeen!!

2010-04-20T16:30:00.000-07:00

(photo via Trisha)

Today I was asked to write a guest post for Girls Playing By The Rules. I, being a Rules Girl, am honored to share a few of my experiences with The Rules.

Exhibit A.

This exact time last year, I fell head over heels for a boy. He knew it, I knew it, everyone knew it. Terrible, I know. I am embarrassed to admit that I indeed chased him. I probably broke nearly every single rule that Ellen and Sherrie have so generously given to us. Of course, this experience in my life ended horribly. I was left with my hopes high day after day, only to have them shattered each time. My quest for Mr. Right was undoubtedly a failure. Perhaps if I would have not been so eager and available, things could have worked out. If I had studied the rules and followed, I could have spared myself from heartache.

About a month after falling for Boy, a dapper young Man fell for me. Fortunately, I wasn't entirely interested in Man to start with because I was so dedicated to chasing Boy. As I continued to ignore Man, he continued to chase me. This was a pivotal moment in my life, as I realized that being a Rules Girl was indeed the only way to refrain from receiving a broken heart. As I slowly started forgetting Boy, I started to be intrigued by Man. Man was ever so willing to make efforts to see me. Boy? He was a lazy, and could not follow through with what he said. Is that what I wanted? No, no it was not. Man on the other hand, was relentless. One day I even received the statement, "What do I have to do to take you on a date?" Is this not what every girl wishes to hear? Yes; however, only a Rules Girl will end up receiving such a statement. Of course, I responded with, "I guess you'll have to figure it out." He did.

Exhibit B

Here is just one of many more small experiences that shows the pure joy that comes with following The Rules. This Man asked one day if he could see me because I had been gone on vacation for over a week, and he missed me. I agreed, and we actually had a lovely day together. The following day, he decided to be distant. He seemed uninterested, bored, and somewhat rude. Typical move of the male species. Being a Rules Girl, I then chose to be slow to respond to his texts, only talk to him on the phone (after he called me of course) for a few minutes, and politely turn down his requests to hang out. I would like to shout out to Little Miss Michelle for so graciously texting me throughout this time to remind me that I was a Rules Girl. You are the best. That night, he asked me about my plans for the following weekend and asked for a Skype date so he could see me. He apologized for his behavior throughout the day. The next morning I woke up to a text, followed by a phone call as he was driving to school because he "just wanted to talk to me while he could". Easy. :)

Being a Rules Girl truly is the only way. To this day, Man is still a part of my every day life. I have since then dated two other boys, and each time, Man comes chasing back after me. Sometimes Man isn't perfect, (is that not expected? It is a male we are talking about) but looking back on rough times, I know that it can always be somehow directed back to The Rules. There is no excuse to call him. There is no excuse to suggest hanging out. Sure, you can risk it, if you want to have your hopes shattered. Girls, let's help each other play by the rules. It works, and you will win, every single time.

Thanks Janeen for your fabulous guest post!! :)

2010-04-19T23:20:00.000-07:00

(image found via papertissue)

"Do the rules even when your friends and parents think its nuts" I have read and re-read this chapter today. (good thing its only 2 pages long!) Since I have been home from school there has been a nit of a debate on the rules lifestyle I have chosen to live. I think the rules are extremely clever, and since I have started abiding by the rules I have witnessed some fantastic results! I love the rules! I love playing by the rules! The rules takes out that grey area that I used to get confused with when dating boys. I used to think to myself, "Should I call him?" Now, I don't even have to think that, I know the answer! Don't call men. It is pretty straight forward. At the beginning of this chapter it asks, "Remember your reaction when you first heard about The rules?" I remember thinking that the rules were pretty crazy! Now, I think they are pure genius! :)

flirtationship...

2010-04-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

(Image via Sarah Rhoads)

There is this boy... we have been in a flirtationship all last semester. Don't you worry, I totally played by the rules... and it kinda drove him crazy! He would say things like, "You confuse me... you don't act like all the other girls I have met." He makes me laugh. Our relationship was composed of flirting... hence the flirtationship. He would ask me on friday dates well before wednesday, contact me, and surprise me by bringing me my favorite things. This was all very nice. The rules work. Simple. as. that. :)

Show Up Even If You Don't Feel Like It!

2010-03-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

So, I was brushing up on the Rules the other day and I came across this one and thought: Hey! You TOTALLY aren't doing this!

Basically, it comes down to this:

Being a Rules girl doesn't mean you completely avoid social situations in fear of being too forward. You HAVE to put yourself out there, but that doesn't mean you have to throw yourself at every boy you come across! You shouldn't throw yourself at ANY boys! Chasing boys = BAD! :) But, you're not going to find Mr. Right sitting at home doing your homework every weekend. All you have to do is simply find a cool party to go to with friends and meet people! Go looking your best, smiling brightly, and be inviting! But DON'T start conversations with boys! That's why you smile and look cheerful and inviting- smart boys will think, "Hey, she's cute!" and will come over and start a conversation with you.

But here's where the next part comes in- don't sit and talk to him for the rest of the evening! You have to keep moving! This will keep you mysterious and intriguing and will help add interest to the chase! Politely excuse yourself and move on to another section of the room. The fear of you becoming "the one that got away" will motivate him to pursue you further and ask for your number before you leave.

Ideally, this will have happened with more than one boy because you've been moving around the room attracting new guys. :)

To review in 4 easy steps:

1. Get out there!

2. Smile and be inviting.

3. DON'T start conversations.

4. Keep moving.

So, even if you'd rather have a girls' night watching Pride and Prejudice and eating chocolate, SHOW UP! :) You'll be one step closer to finding Mr. Right.

Stay classy,

xoxo

1.2..3...

2010-03-10T02:43:00.000-08:00

(Note: I wrote this in February... hence the allusions to the month of love. This is march, the month of luck?)

It’s that time of year again! Some look foreword to this time with excitement and daydreams of dark chocolate in heart shaped boxes. Others consider this month of love, as the bane of the single woman’s existence. Whether you are planning on receiving countless candies, or filling tissues with tears, it is a good time to consider what I would like to call the 3 C’s of dating!

We shall begin with the first C. The first C is communication. Communication is key in any relationship! Whether it is your roommate, your mom, your brother, or your significant other, communication can define your relationship. Bad communication can easily destroy a relationship, while good communication can enhance and compliment a relationship. Be honest about your feelings, and trust that your significant other will respect them. When you are truthful in your communications with your boyfriend/girlfriend you subtract a whole lot of drama from your relationship! Communicate Communicate Communicate!

The second C holds equal importance to the first. The second C is confidence. Confidence is crucial whether you are in a relationship or not. Don’t let your relationship define how you feel about yourself. YOU ARE AWESOME!! Oftentimes people let their self worth mirror their current relationship status. When you’re in a great relationship, you feel great about yourself. When your relationship is on a downhill slope, your confidence also declines. Don’t let this happen! Separate your self worth from your dating situation! Like I mentioned earlier, you are awesome! People are attracted to confident people. Tell yourself everyday how awesome you are, and others will view you the same way you view yourself! (and, of course... YOU ARE AWESOME!!)

There are plenty more C’s that can be applicable to dating. The third C I would like to mention is class. Be classy in your relationships. If you are a guy, open the door for your lady friend. If you are a girl, say thank you after a nice date. Class will take you far. Be a classy couple. Lets be real… PDA, not cool. Keep in mind that you are making all the passersby feel uncomfortable when exhibiting PDA. Class is something that has become undervalued by the world, but it is awesome! I love classy boys! Here is a little hint; the mother of your man will like you more if you are classy! ;)

As it is the month of love, its time to implement these 3 C’s and become classy confident communicating daters! Or, you can ignore this heart-felt advice and be committed to the 3 D’s: Disaster, Destruction, and Mayhem (ok, so that is not D. It will still happen). Oh, and FOLLOW THE RULES!! The fourth C of dating Constantly apply the rules! ;)

XoxOx

Trisha

thoughts...

2010-03-09T01:25:00.000-08:00

Do you ever catch yourself thinking about the rules... every time you talk to boys... every time you walk past one... every time a boy texts... facebook messages... calls... I do! In my head there is always this running rules dialogue, "Don't stare at men or talk too much... how much is too much? Am I talking to much?... Probably... ok. Stop talking............ now is it too quiet? Did it just go unnaturally quiet?.... always end conversation first!... ok... uh bye! Walk away... look busy, yet pleasant... oooh! new boy... he looks nice... ah! don't stare...." The dialogue goes on and on.

Have you ever experienced this? :)

help...

2010-03-03T01:40:00.000-08:00

Ok... I admit that when it comes to the rules sometimes I need help. I need advice from all you knowledgeable readers!! SERIOUSLY I need your input! There is this boy. We have had somewhat of a past. He is now serving a mission in a far away land. When writing a missionary, how do the rules apply? I decided to stop writing this boy. A few months went by, and whala!! Today I got a letter from him. Want a little blip into our past? Ok... I wasn't too great at following the rules... he figured that I would always be around for him... after dating me for a while he cheated on me... our relationship status went back to friends... and here we are! He comes home soon, and I don't want to ruin possible chances with him... but if I'm abiding by the rules all will be well right? So, do I write him back? One of my awesome rule abiding friends says, NO WAY! She says that he has never really acted like a friend, and that maybe if he writes again I can write him back. I would totally agree... but he is a missionary. For some reason in my mind, things with missionaries are different. I dunno. I just don't know.

If you have any sage wisdom please share below! :)

XoxO,

Trisha

boy types...

2010-03-01T15:24:00.000-08:00

Of course you have noticed by now that there seems to be boy types. I would say that I’m trying not to be stereotypical, but that is basically what I am doing. In reality there are as many boy types as there are boys in the world. Each boy is unique. It is the uniqueness that each boy posses that makes dating fun! But, just for kicks, we are going to illustrate a few of the boy types you may run into!

The surfer boy- Yes… we all know the surfer boy is tan, muscled, and has a love for adventure. You will always see him in flip-flops and board shorts. Don’t let his zeal for life distract you. The surfer boy has a great love for the ocean, and that love might be greater than the love he has for you. Just a heads up!

The cute nerd- You just can’t help but adore the cute nerd! After all he is cute! He is intelligent and thoughtful. His jokes take a sharp mind to understand, but if you have that sharp mind, he is hilarious. If you have a thing for the cute nerd, get yourself ready; I feel a LOTR marathon coming!

The jock- Ah, yes! The notorious jock! You knew he was coming didn’t you? This boy has skills! He can do almost any athletic sport! His wits may be sub-par, but his arm isn’t. Ladies get ready to listen about sports, cause this guy will tell you all about them!

The gamer- The gamer has skilled eye thumb coordination. He has slain many dragons, and if you were a reward after a master level, he could easily win you over.

The artist- My feelings are always mixed when it comes to the artist. The artist has an aura of drama around him. The love you share is something worthy of poets to write of, singers to sing of, and painters to paint of. The artist may have this passion for life, but keep in mind a lot of that passion is being directed towards his art, not you.

The player- (pronounced: play-ya) The player is that guy you just can’t help but drool over. Sad thing is there are a zillion other girls drooling over him too. He might have you thinking he’s devoted to you, but I promise you, you’re not the only one!

The good boy- I do love good boys. The good boy is one that is similar to the player. There can easily be a zillion girls liking him. But, the difference between the good boy and the player, is if that you can actually trust the good boy. I know there are tons of girls out there in search of their good boy!

There you have it! The boy types. Of course there are many more, but you get the idea! Although we have stereotyped these boys, remember that every boy is unique. What is really neat about the rules is that even though boys are all so different, the rules work! The rules work on all boy types!

25 Reasons Why Women Want to Call Men But Shouldn't!

2010-02-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

This golden advice is straight out of "All The Rules." I absolutely love this list and ridiculous as some of them sound, you KNOW you've thought them! I know I have!

1. He didn't call you.

2. You think he lost your number.

3. You think he thinks you're not interested.

4. You have two tickets to a show.

5. You need a date for a wedding.

6. Your mother told you to call him.

7. Your girlfriends said, "Call him, it's the 20th century."

8. Your brother said he'd be flattered if a girl called him.

9. You can't sleep well since he stopped calling.

10. You want to ask him why he stopped calling.

11. You want to get his recipe for chili.

12. You left your umbrella in his apartment.

13. You can't live without him.

14. You want to ask him what it is about you he didn't like. "Was it my hair? the kissing? what was it?" You'll change whatever it was.

15. You want to know how he's doing.

16. You want to wish him a Happy Birthday or Happy New Year.

17. Your phone number is unlisted now and you want to give him your new number.

18. You're thinking about joining a convent and wanted his opinion.

19. You want to know if the new woman is thinner, prettier, smarter, or more successful than you are.

20. You're just calling to say "hi."

21. You're never home and you're hard to reach.

22. Your answering machine is broken.

23. You're going to Paris (his favorite city) on vacation and need some sight-seeing ideas.

24. You want to ask him one more time "Is it really over?"

25. He said, "Call me."

Bottom line, ladies: If he's interested in you, he'll find a way to contact you. He will pursue! Men love the chase- they always have, they always will!

Keep it classy,

xoxo

not gym rats, gym monkeys!

2010-02-25T02:24:00.000-08:00

(image via google)

Boys boys boys... Recently my brother and I have been going to the gym together. He used to mention all the "monkeys" that were at the gym.... I didn't believe it til i saw it with my own eyes! There really were monkeys there... or just hairy large muscled men... same thing... maybe? haha.. anyways. The gym is a funny place. Lots of times, you catch boys just watching themselves flex in the mirror-HILARIOUS! When I think of going to the gym, i think 1. im going to be sweaty and gross. 2. I hope there aren't any boys there to see me sweaty and gross. 3. im not strong, i hope nobody will be watching me attempt to lift 2 pound weights. 4. why isn't there a gym specifically for females on campus? ... even though I would prefer not to run into any males at the gym, it is inevitable that they are there... The gym tends to become a meet market. Some girls go there with loads of make-up, and do their best to show off their skills... others are practical and just go to the gym to work out... not to meet boys. Why am i blogging about this? I don't know... I guess I just wanted to tell you that boys are funny. I like boys. They make life entertaining.

you've got mail...

2010-02-22T19:40:00.000-08:00

You've got mail... or a text... or a facebook message... or a blog comment... or a twitter message... myspace, bebo, gmail, hotmail, vimeo, youtube, flicker, blah blah blah!! I will admit it, technology can be exhausting to keep up with! Remember in your pre-rules life, where you would obsessively log on to facebook (or check your phone...etc) to see if you had a little message from that cute boy you were crushing on? Now that I live by a rules philosophy, I don't expect/hope for it. You might think that sounds terrible, no hope? I know... sad! But, it is actually quite liberating! There is no longer that urge to check your phone every 5 min... log on to your facebook every time you are insight of a computer (or iphone)... etc... There is so much more free time to devote to becoming your best self, and just having a BLAST!!

For those of you that are new to the rules, I will share with you the essence of the rules. -Be your best/classiest/fun self! If a boy likes you, he will pursue you; if he does not pursue you, don't worry about it! He's just not that into you! You just saved yourself wasted time crushing on him... move on to bigger and better!- Isn't that nice? You saved yourself time, heartbreak, and a hit to your self esteem. Lets be real... not every guy will like you... just like you may not like every pair of jeans you try on. But, that doesn't mean that you should give up jeans forever. It just means that you have got to go on, and one day while out shopping, you may just stumble upon that perfect pair!

Love. love. love.

Trisha :)

The Rules: Case in Point

2010-02-20T23:19:00.000-08:00

(found this photo here)

I realize I'm on some kind of blogging frenzy, but I guess that's how I am with things. It's like sprinting- I get really dedicated with something for a short amount of time, and then I stop.

Start. Stop. Start. Stop.

So basically, I'm not promising that this will last. :)

But, I witnessed the Rules in action tonight and I wanted to post this true story in order to encourage those of you who may be struggling or doubting (as we all do at times).

Here's how it went down:
Zooey went to a party and was chatting with friends when a guy she had a major crush on showed up. She ended up talking to him and focused really hard on smiling and flirting with him the whole time. She made sure she talked to him, and only him. She even invited him to play a short game of ping pong with her.

Sounds like a pretty regular happening, right?

But this is what was going on while Zooey was so focused:

Todd, a really nice, fun kid, saw her chatting and decided he wanted to talk to her. He came and joined her conversation. But still, she dedicated most of her attention to the first boy. She eventually left to go play ping pong with him and told Todd she'd see him later. But that didn't daunt him. He showed up later and invited her to go to another activity with him, which she agreed to and had a fun time.

Conclusions:
1. When you treat a guy like you're not interested, it makes you more appealing. Zooey was trying too hard with the first boy and she didn't even act like Todd existed!
2. If a guy's interested, he'll pursue! Rules girls don't force things to happen.
3. If a guy's not as interested in you as you are in him (aka, the first boy), are you really that into him either?

The Rules work. It's as simple as that. And they don't start/stop like me. :)

xoxo

A thought on red lipstick...

2010-02-19T16:54:00.001-08:00

I love it.

It makes me feel like a diva from the 40s.

But why is it so dang embarrassing when it gets on your teeth and you don't realize it until someone points it out to you?

Because red lipstick is a symbol that you are an independent, stylish, confident woman who's in control of your life.

And having it on your teeth shows that you are NOT in control.

How embarrassing. :]

xoxo

The rules in action...

2010-02-17T01:19:00.001-08:00

If you haven't seen the video below, please observe! ( watch the boy... he notices her. he pursues.. thats how it should be. the end)

Love love love,

Trisha

scatterbrained...

2010-02-17T00:48:00.000-08:00

(This has nothing to do with the below post... i just like photo's along with posts.)

(Before you begin reading i would like to warn you that below is a very scatterbrained post! oy!)

Dear wonderful girls!

I think you are all amazing! Why is this? Cause you are! Today I was texting Emily about her radtastic post... Sometimes, like a diet, playing by the rules is hard. Blah... i know. As a new generation of girls we have been taught to be aggressive in our dating lives, if a guy isn't going to pursue you, then you pursue him... The rules suggest otherwise. I think I am going to stick with the rules on this one. Courting hasn't changed. Men must still pursue.

As I was texting Em, we exchanged some very insightful texts... The conversation below can be applied to any stupid boy situation.

T- Love the post!! It is so true! :) texting/calling first, bad. Staring at men, or talking too much, very bad. (.. then i made a dumb comment that doesn't need to be shared on the internet. haha. don't worry, it wasn't bad.)

E-LOL! I posted it because [this is where you insert and clueless boys name], [and this is where you insert some promise/commitment he made and broke.] (does that make sense?)

T- Oh dear. That is no good. Boys are dumb. Why do they do this to us? Promise us things and break our fragile hearts leaving us wondering, "that did I do wrong?"

Yes, that was our insightful convo. Glean from it what you will. ;) Later today after this conversation took place, I was discussing the rules with another friend... Whilst talking, we came up with a rule of thumb, OBEY THE RULES. I know it sounds dumb, but i think it is actually one of the rules. Therefore its legit. :) Ealier my friend had a totally legit reason to call her man, she resisted, and the results are 500% more wonderful because she let him pursue her.

obey the rules. Thats all there is to it. (p.s- dot think i am a boy hater. i LOVE boys... mmmm.)

XoxO,

Trisha

The Rules as a Diet :]

2010-02-16T16:42:00.001-08:00

Our blog has died... as has my own personal blog. But Trisha inspires me- she writes everyday, even if it's a small tidbit. So today, I will try to reignite my blogging commitments. :) (I encourage you all to do the same.)

This post may be more for me than it is for anyone else, but take what you may from it:

Conclusion:

I have decided that in order to be a faithful Rules girl, you need support! It's like being on a diet! Today I texted my sister and I was like, "Can I really not text him? Couldn't I just invite him over for a game night?" And before I even sent the text, I knew the answer was a resounding, "NO!" My sister replied with a perfect analogy, "I can't go out and have two scoops of ice cream anytime I want." So true! And if anyone tries to convince you otherwise, they're not good for you. These are what I've come to refer to recently as "toxic" friends. For instance, I come to a clear conclusion and mindset of how I will approach the dating scene and then when I finish discussing it with one of these "toxic" friends, I am completely muddled and confused. It takes me hours, days, to shake it off and come back to my previous conclusions. I'm not saying these friends aren't good for you at all, but these are definitely the kind of friends you don't discuss dating with. It's after these kinds of conversations that I send silly texts to my sister asking for approval to break the rules.

So, find your group of Rules supporting girls and be there for each other! The Rules are not easy! Don't discuss or look for Rules support from friends who blur the lines. If you were on a diet, you wouldn't look for reinforcement from a chocoholic friend! The same concept applies here.

Stay strong, stay classy, and stay true to the Rules!

Emily

From the Mouths of Babes

2009-11-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ladies... i have noticed that there has been a lack of postage for some time now... out of desperation for post material, i am regurgitating a post that i originally featured on my blog. I hope you enjoy it! A bunch of my friends and I here at BYUH put together this list of things we like as well as dislike about boys! Please comment below and add to this list!! :)

From the mouths of Babes

(Advice straight from girls who know their stuff!)

Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Don’t waste your time trying to click with someone that you just aren’t clicking with.
Dates should be cheep.
f you are interested in a girl, ask her out! Don’t just assume she will say know (even if she seems to be out of your league).
Always make time for girls you are interested in.
Creative dates are best.
Don’t make things complicated
Have a well thought out date… have a plan.
Don’t put up with dramatic girls.
Never ask a girl out by text.
Never break up with a girl by text.
When asking a girl out, face to face is preferred. But, by the phone is acceptable.
If you want to break up with a girl, be straight up about it… don’t give her room to wait up for you if you don’t intend to continue pursuing.
Be honest, always be true to yourself.
Be yourself an original is always worth more than a copy. –fortune cookie
Kissing is about communication, not recreation.
Hugging is also about communication.
Girls like boys that care.
Girls like boys that take care of themselves.
Always be classy
Chivalry never faileth!
Never honk when you are going to pick a girl up for a date.
Be respectful
Take the lead in relationships.
Never make a girl cry.
Allow the girls be lady like, and you be a gentleman.
Take care of your date.
On dates, leave your phone alone!
Be a good listener!! And a good talker. Be an engaging conversationalist.
Don’t make a date seem like a burden.
Don’t settle with hanging out.
The start of a relationship should always be friendship.
Be sensitive to social que's. If your date is feeling uncomfortable at a party or movie, change the situation so they feel comfortable.
Always use good language.
Introduce her to your friends.
Pay attention to her when you are with your friends.
Make her feel special.
Never stand a girl up! -Obviously...
Don’t set up a date with a girl, and never follow through.
Texting and facebook chats aren’t the way to go if you want to get to know someone. Have a real relationship, not a virtual one.
Communication is key.
Your actions should have meaning.
Handholding is a good way to show affection
Girls just love getting asked out on dates. Period.
Girls love sincere compliments.
Girls like it when boys smell good. :)
3 essentials chapstick, gum, and cologne.
Girls like boys that talke appreciatively about their moms and sisters.
Girls like boys that smile.
Don’t promise to call, unless you follow through!!
Clean humor is good on dates.
Meaningful hugs are awesome.

Take a listen!

2009-09-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

Oh dear! I found this on a blog this morning..... it is hilarious!! you definitely have to listen! If you have ever wondered why some girls stay single, here is your answer! This guy is one smooth talker!

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

XOXO

Oneitis

2009-09-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, to preface this, I know very little about "The Rules" and haven't the slightest as to whether these opinions follow them, but I wanted to make a response to the lovely Trish's post. Hope you enjoy!

Oneitis. I think we've all fallen victim to this at point or another. There's that one guy, who you can't seem to get off your mind, and he's got the most wonderful personality, the greatest smile and laugh, and boy, does he know how to make you swoon! He makes all other potentials obsolete, he's so perfect. You obsess over him constantly, fantasizing your future life with him, what you'll name your children, or even the seemingly inconsequential details like the cute way he runs his hand through his hair or what it would be like to hold his hand.
Problem is: You've never actually said a WORD to him! Or if you have, it's been nerve-racked small talk. ("So...weather's nice...") This extreme fixation you've got goin' on is brutal! But you'll never let it go. No, sir-ee. I mean, take a gander at him and you're already a goner, rendered speechless with heart aflutter. It's gotten downright sad.
From suffering this crazy condition, (Yes, I will admit it) I've come to realize what Oneitis really is and why it is we take it upon ourselves. It comes from a very human need for love (don't worry, we've all got that) and hate to break it ya, but an immature infatuation with a guy who in all likelihood isn't all that compatible with us. We may crave that glorious "doughnut", which in our mind isn't just another doughnut. It is the immeasurably sweet, heavenly, delectable, absolutely delicious doughnut that we've sought after all our lives! But let me let you in on a little secret...He's NOT!!! We all have built up this ideal guy so much, he may well be imaginary, and in most cases, HE IS! And nothing is less attractive than a girl with hearts in her eyes, stalker-ish Elmira^ tendencies, and a terrible case of Oneitis.
Being so completely enchanted by a guy, to the point that you don't even look at other men because you're so sure that you were destined to be together is not only unhealthy; it creates doomed relationship from the start (if there is a start.) Having such an extreme case of Oneitis is proof enough that it will fail, because there is already an uneven distribution of attraction. And if things are so one-sided, you'll have more invested in the relationship, a sign that things will be off-kilter from the get-go. You'll find yourself changing who you are, giving up your own interests, allowing him to control you and if that's not disaster's own recipe, I don't know what is!
What is healthy, is to start out on a neutral basis. Avoid giving in to those high-strung, wacked out emotions that lead to this epidemic in the first place. Allow yourself to get to know him. Don't just assume he's the one for you. See how it actually feels to be together and check to see how you feel all the time. Don't let your Oneitis get the better of you, having you jump into something that isn't right. Always keep in mind the most important question: how do you work as a couple? I know it's tough to play it cool when you're falling head over heels, but remember on your way down, dating isn't about finding the perfect man. It's about finding that complete comfort and perfect trust between two flawed and imperfect human beings. And it's a beautiful thing.
Happy Hunting :)
-Miki

Boys are like doughnuts...

2009-08-30T22:27:00.001-07:00

Boys are like doughnuts... it is a simple principle. The doughnut theory falls along the lines of wanting what you can't have. If there is a huge box of doughnuts on the counter that will soon expire, you don't have the urge to sit and finish off the box. But, if you are in need of a sugar fix you will go to great lengths to get that box of HOT krispy Kreme doughnuts, and you will inhale the whole box! YUM!

This can be true when related to guys. If a guy seems to act like a faithful golden retriever, and wont stop 'dogging' you... you probably wont jump at the chance to date him. Why would you? It is not that challenging. We girls like to be competitive. We go for that guy that seems unattainable. He is the classy guy that seems to always have something going on. (note:this is not the player that seems to have a bazillion women at his feet.... oh no, he has got loads of class.) He is a guy that plays by the rules. :)

The chase is always entertaining. Sometimes it breaks our hearts (most of the time for me), and sometimes we arise victorious! Mwahahaha!! Our victory will be sweet as we play by the rules. Hmm... for some reason I am feeling like a doughnut.... :) yum.

xoxo

RMS- Know the Warning Signs

2009-08-23T16:17:00.001-07:00

An epidemic is sweeping Utah Valley. More rampant than HIV, this plague is known as RMS, or Returned Missionary Syndrome.

Symptoms of RMS:

Your date wants to begin the evening with an opening prayer.
You spend at least part of the evening taking a walk on Temple Grounds.
Your date begins almost every sentence with, "My mission president once told me..."
As the evening progresses, your date becomes more and more awkward as the hours tick by. 9 o'clock is usually the tipping point.
The only music you listen to in the car is either from a MoTab or EFY cd.
Your date's compliments and pickup lines sound eerily similar to things you've read in the Scriptures.
If you're going to the movies, your date limits the options to G-rated, and PG will only be considered.
Your date proposes, on the first date.

There has yet to be a cure for RMS, but the best treatment thus far is a heavy dose of reality.

How to be Irresistible

2009-08-21T18:24:00.000-07:00

*Disclaimer: I do not claim to be perfect at any of this, but the following ideas are what make up my ideal. Take what you may from it. :)

Wondering why you're sitting home alone on the weekends? Maybe it's because you're responsible and are doing your homework like you should be. Maybe it's because men have forgotten the lost art of courting (to be discussed in a later post). But, maybe, just maybe, you haven't learned how to be irresistible yet. Fear not, my friend. The steps are easy as 1,2,3...4,5,6,7,8. :)

1. Be a lady- Talk, walk, and act like one. Be capable of intelligent conversation and have interesting topics to talk about that don't include gossip. If that's all you can come up with, obviously that's all that's in your head. Use underused but rich language- you are not a common, boring, or unintelligent person! Speak well- good grammar is so underrated! Have good posture- a lady doesn't slump or shuffle when she walks. Dress classily. Irresistible people develop a fashion sense and use it well. (Side note: I refer to some of these same points later, which shows that being a lady is a great overall goal.)

2. Be refined- Develop a taste for the fine arts. Visit a museum. Go to a symphony. Be knowledgeable about art. Enjoy classy music and literature- trashy romance novels are for trashy people. Irresistible women have a sense of elegance about them that comes from being cultured.

3. Be intelligent- Make the most of your education! Irresistible people are smart. This makes them more fun to talk to because they have other things to talk about than themselves. They are excited to share the interesting new fact they learned in their psychology class, etc. If you're not a student, keep up on current events and have an opinion about them. Expand your vocabulary. Don't be conceited about it, but have a "Word of the Day" and find fun ways to implement it into your daily conversation.

4. Be busy- You have a life! One of the things that makes women the most attractive is that they are busy with their everyday lives and don't seem to have time for a man. Believe me, I'm sure men find this much more attractive than a girl sitting around doing nothing just waiting for their prince charming to show up.

5. Be good at what you do- Whether it be piano, singing, writing, or swimming, practice! Don't you want your man to be doing the same? Be the best you can at your specialty because there's nothing more unattractive than wasted talent.

6. Be healthy- Jane Austen seems to always reference how exercise causes an attractive glow in the cheeks of her heroines. You don't have to have the perfect body- who does, honestly?- but be active. Go to a Pilates class, take up tennis, find something to keep you up and moving! Eat right and learn how to cook irresistible meals. The quickest way to a man's heart is... well, you know the rest. :)

7. Be cheerful- I'm not talking peppy and hyper like the stereotyped cheerleader, but just happy. You have a lot going for you! You're smart, beautiful, and talented- you should have a pleasant expression on your face! (Obviously there are exceptions, but I find that people who are generally pleasant and cheerful are inviting and nice to be with.)

8. Be unique- Obviously he doesn't like every other girl, so don't be like every other girl. There should be something about you that says, "Wow! I'm special. I'm not like the other girls. There's something about me that intrigues you and makes you want to ask for my number pronto!" :) Don't try and be someone else. You won't be as good as they are at it because only you can be the best at being YOU! A wise, classy lady in red slippers* once said, "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."

There you have it. Try it out, see the difference, and be ready for the phone calls. I sure hope you have your calendar clear.

Just say nay to PDA

2009-08-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

Having lived outside of Utah for 99% of my life, coming to BYU was definitely a culture shock to me. A big part of this is how people, erm, express their relationships here. If the proverbial alien from outer space were to come to BYU's campus, I would imagine it would make many false generalizations of the rest of humanity based on what it sees. One of these in particular would be that humans are completely obsessed with making out. Not only this, but that they do so unscrupulously in front of other humans. I find it ironic that my foot can't go past the living room of a male friend's apartment, but couples feel some sort of obligation to passionately osculate in public places on campus. At least when there isnt't snow on the ground, I can't walk past the Tree of Life Statue without seeing a couple Levi lovin' in the grass next to it. This epidemic not only sends undesirable messages to visitors to our campus, but it is also very discourteous to everyone who has to view these acts. I, personally, do not understand any kind of justification a couple could use as grounds to make out in public, whether they are married, engaged, dating, or acceding on a NCMO. You can hold hands and hug in public, but please, for the sake of everyone else, keep your mouths to yourselves.

kissing on the first date

2009-08-19T12:16:00.000-07:00

i am happily obliged to comment on the question poll of the week "kissing on the first date." i don't think there is really a "best" answer on this one. sure, there are couples who kiss on the first date and then get married six months later. (i'm not referring to a full on *NCMO* or MO session on the first date...) there are others who don't kiss until the tenth date (i would like to think this is because the boy is taking his time and being respectful, and not just because he is a pansy. however, pansy-ness can be really cute.) and then there are those who are just hooking up as NICMO partners (which is a major no-no if you even want the mere possibility of a serious relationship with this person in the future.) from what i've heard, it's much more exciting when a guy leaves us guessing or stops at the cheek. it's probably also a lot more convenient too, especially if we're just not that into *him*.

XOXO

mich :)